A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
