Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
