I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize