Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
