How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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