when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize