lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize