She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
