I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
