if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
