You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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