I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
