Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
