i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
