Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I want her autograph on my taint
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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