Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
