I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
