At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
