I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So apparently I’m into choking now
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
