would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
