Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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