all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He passed out mid-signature
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
