Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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