so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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