I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
