maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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