Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
