Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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