Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
