Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
