Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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