Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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