If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
