Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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