I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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