Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
