Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
