Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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