Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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