ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
