Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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