My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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