barbara walters just said penis...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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