apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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