my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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