a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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