just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
