Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We're too hungover to prance.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
