ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
