12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
