but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize