a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
