Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
