Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
