He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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