I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
