why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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