dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
