Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
