dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My feet surprised me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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