a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
