Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just forgot I was standing up.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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