my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
