Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
