Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
