can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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