On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize